Wherein I Laugh at the Fears of a Leftist Milksop

The Week has a dramatic and hysterical doom-piece up. The premise of the article is a look into the future HRC presidency that is totally ruined by bad-thinking white-guy reactionaries, and Trump. Oh noes! It's a completely ridiculous fiction, but it does give you a window into the psyche of the lefty academic set. I'll give you a hint: "Kill Whitey."

Enjoy these breathless and panicked excerpts, followed by my scorn and cursing: 

"Most of the rest of the country... hoped that the ad hoc groups of armed white men... would disband."

Right. Like the ones we saw Charlotte just a few weeks ago. And Ferguson. And Minneapolis. Who can keep track? Happens all the time really. Those darn white men! We should really think about putting them into concentration camps or something. Wait... is guy talking about the police? Hard to tell. 

"Clinton was always going to have a tough time governing. Yes, the 2016 election gave her a narrow three-seat Democratic majority in the Senate, but the GOP held the House — and once Paul Ryan was deposed as speaker in a post-election coup and replaced by pro-Trump firebrand Dana Rohrabacher..."

Naturally. It couldn't be because she's an incompetent, self-serving do-nothing, hack. Not to mention the glass ceiling...

"...there was no chance the incoming president would get anything done."

Yeah that's totally stopped Obama from getting anything done. Presidenting is hard, y'all! The separation of powers is totally racist.

"With three federal government shutdowns and a (failed) presidential impeachment trial in the last two and a half years, there has been no time to address the nation's problems — above all the slow-motion collapse of the Affordable Care Act... Congress did nothing as hundreds of thousands and then millions were dropped from health insurance or faced a choice of devastating rate hikes or tax penalties for failing to maintain coverage."

Good! This is exactly what should happen. Shut that town down as often as possible, please. I'm tired of being forced by the government to pay for the healthcare of a bunch freeloading slobs. Healthcare is not a right, and anyone who thinks that other people should be forced to pay for theirs should suffer. [I'll belatedly add here: "slobs" does not refer to those who had private insurance that was destroyed by encroachment of the ACA, and had to sign up because there was no other option. I have several friends in this position, and they don't like it any more than I would. They are being forced to pay for and receive a terrible product, by the government. This is a very different position from the people that call 911 with "chest pains" so they can get a free ambulance ride uptown to go shopping, and their ride eventually gets paid via the giant slush-fund that the that those obscenely high insurance premiums are paying into. Not to mention all the rampant medicare and disability fraud.]

"and the constant stream of dirt dug up by WikiLeaks and Judicial Watch... the House was simply consumed by constantly roiling Hillary hatred."

Who put the dirt there in the first place? Amazing how much these people hate the truth to be known. 

"Then came the riots."

Yeah. That stinks. The cities were such peaceful places before HRC took office. Damn those white men!

"Who knows why the late May death of a black motorist at the hands of two white police officers in the St. Louis suburbs sparked so much violence across the nation when so many sadly similar deaths over the past two years had merely led to localized protests"

Yeah, that's a mystery! I have no idea why specific sub-populations of our country would take any excuse to perpetrate mob violence and mayhem before any facts are known, yet at the same time are happy to kill each other off by the bushel-basketful in between riots. That's a puzzler alright. Localized protests, you say? I wonder if the guy they tried to burn alive in the street here in Charlotte would call that a "protest" or a "random lynching"? 

"Within two days, dozens of cities and suburbs were burning nightly. That's when the militias that had been growing since the 2016 election began to mobilize again... For several evenings in a row, groups of mostly white men across the country... head out into the night to make trouble in the name of restoring 'order.'"

White people? Defending their neighborhoods from roving bands of feral arsonists and looters when the police are unable to? Restoring order? Protecting their families? How dare they?! Concentration camps, y'all. Just think about it, OK?

"Then the stock market crashed. Trillions of dollars were lost, mutual funds tanked, and Occupy Wall Street was instantly revived."

Yeah I'm sure all those hairy hippies' stock portfolios really took a nasty hit. And then when they go to try to withdraw what's left of their Roth-IRAs so they can buy, uh, "groceries", the fascist investment manager at Edward Jones has the nerve to say, "sir, for the last time, you don't have an account with us. Please put on your clothes and leave or I'm calling the police."

"And then came martial law. President Clinton made clear that she intends to lift the nationwide curfew and withdraw the National Guard as soon as possible."

I bet she really hated all that unchecked power. Couldn't wait to get rid of it!

If you read the actual piece, every single bad thing is attributed to Trump and white men. Somehow, despite all historical precedent, the losing candidate wields more power over government than the helpless winner in this vision of the future. Alas, that stubborn patriarchy! I guess they figure they can't get away with blaming Bush for everything three administrations hence, and need a new scapegoat. 

I'm kind of surprised they are going this direction so early. Shouldn't they still be telling people that Hillary is going to give everyone free ponies and that there will be peace in the Middle East? I mean, if she is going to completely fail to make good on her utopian promises, what's the point of Democrat voters sobering up enough to find the GOTV bus to take them to three or four different polling locations? That will take all day, and really cut in to their busy schedules of smoking weed and teaching freshman level history classes at the community college.